To end a marriage is to accept that a lifelong choice didn’t work. And sometimes understanding this causes an explosion of emotions.
The mastery of these emotions is what marks how long each phase of the divorce will last. Some choose to overcome “grief” alone, and many others need to be accompanied. But no one completely escapes the emotional upheaval this situation generates.
6 Stages Of Divorce You Must Go Through To Return To Inner Balance
1. Grief: for what could have been
Knowing that the marriage is over and accepting that you won’t be back with the same person is a really difficult process. There are those who want this separation and, perhaps, are happy that everything is going that way. But these people will still go through the grieving stage.
In short, it is the loss of something important that has been present in your life for years. Separation from that person with whom you shared dreams and perhaps even children.
It is necessary to live the pain and let it flow in order to get out of what is considered one of the longest phases of divorce. It’s normal, it’s natural, and we shouldn’t try to hide this feeling so that healing can be faster.
2. Denial: what it looks like is not
It can happen that, as an unconscious method of protection, what is happening is denied. Then the truth gets blurred, disguised as romantic stories that are far from reality.
The denial phase is represented by these attempts to recover the relationship, even though it is already known that everything is over. People who can’t accept a divorce fantasize about romantic get-togethers and promise that everything will be fine.
But while it’s hard to assume that the “happily ever after” dream is no longer part of the couple, it must be done. Now things have changed and you can be happy in another kind of bond.
3. Rancor: for you, for the other, for the world
When pain is overcome, you may experience a new stage filled with resentment. That anger that drowns you appears with guilt and even the thirst for revenge. At this stage, you will see everything from a negative side, which leads to a feeling of injustice against the self.
For this reason, you start blaming the other person, because you think it was that person who, with their actions, led you to the end of the relationship and hurt your feelings in the most cowardly way.
Of course, this is not the case, but this will be understood later, when you make your way through the stages of divorce. For now, try to ease the anxiety of finding justifications for the breakup.
4. Negotiation: after all, marriage is a contract
When the level of anger decreases, things start to be seen more clearly and the reasons can be seen from another perspective. It is possible to understand your partner’s reactions and the real causes of divorce.
It’s time to accept that the contract you made was broken, and the clauses were not respected by both of you, or perhaps have expired.
This is one of the stages of a divorce that can bring complications if you’re not paying enough attention. Well, sometimes you understand the other person too much and try to restore the relationship by giving your all to the other person. Something dangerous for the future.
5. Shame: an unanticipated change for the social circle
The new marital status can cause embarrassment for some people who are not yet used to the situation. The word “divorced” sounds shocking and modifies many states, including social media profiles.
Now, everyone will know that you are single, but that you had a strong connection before. The group of friends may split up and feel uncomfortable in the company of either of them.
Sometimes it is even difficult to inform friends or family about this new situation. But in reality, it’s a decision that was made to regain harmony, so there’s no need to be ashamed.
6. Celebration: a new life ahead
When all stages of divorce have been overcome, real acceptance appears, which gives the person a feeling of satisfaction. Tranquility has come into your life and you can recognize yourself as a new person and someone who has learned from your experiences.
The future looks more balanced, you are already thinking about new projects and a new single life awaits you. You may even be able to imagine yourself with a new partner, or simply having the freedom to do whatever you want.
The important thing is to go through all these phases without anxiety and without despair to advance or skip steps. The more honest you are with yourself, the greater the pleasure of getting to know yourself in this new state.