Every human being is unique and has qualities that define their personality. However, when it comes to personal relationships, it is important to learn to distinguish those that harm us and limit us with their way of being, such as the figure of the manipulator.
Manipulative people want to control our lives and do everything in their power to make us feel inferior. Worst of all is being aware of it and not having the ability to push them away before the situation gets worse.
In some cases, this situation can last for years, making the manipulated a victim of their own life, without feeling the full freedom to make their own decisions.
Next, we want to share 7 simple communication rules based on the strategies designed by expert Preston Ni for you to learn how to deal with a manipulator.
1. Keep in mind that you have non-transferable rights
A professional manipulator has the ability to trample on the rights of others to benefit himself. However, if we make ourselves respect and set boundaries, it will be difficult for this person to be able to take control. Remember that you are entitled to:
- Be respected by other people.
- Express your feelings, ideas and desires.
- Establish your priorities.
- Saying “NO” without feeling guilty.
- Receive what you paid or fought for.
- Expose your points of view, even if they are different from others.
- Protect yourself from physical, moral and emotional threats.
- Build your life according to your concept of happiness.
2. Try to move away from the handler
Seeking to maintain control of situations, the handlers constantly change their attitudes on the other. At first they may be very polite and cheerful, but later they may have aggressive and rude reactions. At certain times they will want to play the victim, at others they will want to demonstrate that they are rude and impetuous.
If you start noticing this type of behavior in one of the people close to you, it ‘s best to try to get away as much as you can. It is very likely that this attitude has its roots in childhood, so no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to correct it.
3. Identify the problem
One of the greatest abilities of a manipulator is to identify the weaknesses of his victims, so he can play with them. Don’t be surprised if you begin to feel helpless or guilty about not complying with this person’s demands.
It is essential to identify these characteristics and always keep in mind that the problem is not yours. Losing control of the situation will make you feel that you are not a good enough person and that you need the other person to make decisions.
Analyze the relationship with the possible handler and identify the problem by answering the following questions:
- Is this person respecting me?
- Are your requirements and expectations well founded?
- Is it a balanced relationship? Is only one of us getting benefits?
- Is this relationship affecting my self-esteem?
4. Put to the test
Face the handler with a few questions. You will be able to discover your weaknesses and identify if you have any self-criticism or shame. Some of the questions you can ask are:
- Do you think what you’re asking me is fair?
- Do you think this is fair to me?
- Can I give you my opinion about it?
- Are you asking me or claiming?
- What will I get in return?
- Do you really believe I believe what you’re telling me?
5. Don’t be pressured
Do not let them, in any situation, pressure you to make a decision that takes time to think through. Don’t let yourself be pressured and maintain control by just saying “I’ll think about it” or with a definite “no”.
Always keep in mind that one of a manipulator’s favorite strategies is to force his victim to respond or act immediately to his requests. Don’t let yourself win.
6. Learn to say “no” to the handler
One of the most important tips for communication in any type of relationship is knowing how to say “no”. A firm denial is one of the most effective ways to maintain control and a good relationship with your partner. Keep in mind that you have every right to set your priorities and say “no” whenever you want.
7. Defend yourself from provocations and offenses
A manipulative person always looks for a way to feel superior to create a feeling of fear or suffering. Offenses and taunts are one of the tools used to attack when she feels she is losing control.
face the manipulator
If you’ve identified these characteristics in anyone around you, don’t hesitate and face it. Follow your instincts and protect yourself from manipulative people.
The curious thing is that, in most cases, these people show their most cowardly side when the victim demonstrates strength of character and defends himself. Under no circumstances are there any justifications for this type of behavior. So feel safe and put on the brakes without any remorse.