My Partner Doesn’t Treat Me Well: What Can I Do?

A word of contempt, an insult or a phrase aimed at humiliating us hurts as much as a slap. What can we do when our partner starts to communicate aggressively?
My partner does not treat me well: what can I do?

The closer and closer we are to someone, the more effect their words will have on us. So much so that, sometimes, certain expressions or comments can hurt us. Many people complain saying, “My partner doesn’t treat me well and I don’t know what to do” or “Every day he talks to me with less respect, and I don’t know how to act on it”.

How should we act in such situations? The first and most important thing is  not to allow this kind of dynamic to become a habit. We cannot ignore that violent or aggressive communication is a form of abuse. The consequences of living for months (or years) in a context where insults or harassment are common have a serious psychological impact.

the progression of abuse

These types of behavior in which harmful or aggressive words are used in the relationship appear progressively. It is common that, at first, they seem like jokes, sarcastic comments to belittle the other and scathing phrases that camouflage themselves with irony. It’s usually accompanied by laughter and a “I wasn’t serious, honey.”

But these behaviors gain strength over time, eroding us into silence, until we suddenly realize that words are like real blows to our self-esteem and dignity.

abusive man
Verbal abuse behavior is progressive and can develop into more violent forms.

It’s hard to recognize when my partner doesn’t treat me well

If there’s one thing we should keep in mind, it’s that, in a loving relationship, it’s not enough to have a lot of love. Because there are loves that hurt and people who, although they love, love badly.

So, for the commitment to someone to be satisfactory, happy and lasting, we need, above all, that there is good communication. Reaching agreements and having an emotional connection is, in many cases, a guarantee of success.

Now, as we don’t always find the right person, it  ‘s important to realize who deserves our time, effort and affection and who doesn’t. There are many, for example, who are not fully aware that this daily contempt is a form of abuse or maltreatment.

Also, there are many who are unwilling to accept at all that if your partner doesn’t treat you well, it is very likely that you are in an abusive relationship. Let’s get to know more about this type of relationship.

What are the signs of abusive communication?

As shown by scientific studies, such as the one carried out at Case Western University in Cleveland (United States), between 50 and 80% of people have suffered emotional abuse at some point. Abusive communication and the fact of treating the partner badly are recurrent characteristics. They manifest themselves with the following signs:

  • He makes fun of you.
  • It makes judgments about you without understanding you.
  • He reacts badly, almost without knowing why he responds with insults and aggression.
  • Any conversation ends in arguing and screaming.
  • He uses irony, sarcasm that hurts. Do not hesitate to ridicule you in front of others.
  • Communicates without empathy.
  • It makes you feel guilty.
  • Your communication style seeks to dominate and underestimate you.

How can I act when my partner doesn’t treat me well?

Research works, such as those carried out at the Faculty of Psychology at the University of Georgia (United States), show that good communication guarantees relationship satisfaction. Now, as we have already pointed out, in addition to affection and good dialogue, we need to attend to other factors, such as emotional ones.

That way, when your partner doesn’t treat you well, it’s essential not to let him go beyond that and end up influencing your self-esteem and emotional balance. Any small constraint has its effect ; it causes pain, discomfort and unhappiness. How to act in these cases?

What is behind this aggressive communication?

It is always a good idea to know what motivates this form of communication with our partner. Is he going through a difficult time? Can’t he manage anxiety and stress?

Sometimes  factors such as problems at work or unresolved personal trauma are behind aggression. It is important to always know what is behind the behavior. However, sometimes it may not be specific. We may be facing a personality style used to this type of behavior.

A couple fighting
It’s important to track what’s behind aggressive communication. What happens to the other to raise the tone and behave like that?

Assertive attitude: what I expect from you and what I cannot allow

When my partner doesn’t treat me well, I can’t let it go. If you don’t react, the abuse will continue and even increase. Therefore, it is necessary to act assertively and make these aspects clear.

We must specify which word, expression, comment or conversation has hurt us. We should ask that this type of behavior not be repeated, giving examples of what we expect: respect, understanding, empathy, complicity, active listening, reaching agreements.

How can I make a decision if my partner doesn’t treat me well?

Words hurt as much as a blow or a wound. Aggressive communication is a psychological abuse and therefore we cannot and must not tolerate it. If our partner doesn’t change his attitude and continues to treat us badly, we must make a decision.

A timely exit from a bond that hurts will save our self-esteem and dignity. We will not tolerate the intolerable. Authentic love is okay and, above all, communicates with respect through a good emotional bond. Let’s keep that in mind.

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